STRANGLED SMILES

i see my friends with their boyfriends/girlfriends.
it shouldn't be, but i feel a sense of envy.

i hear how my friends fairytale-ish proposal to their boyfriends/girlfriends work out.
it shouldn't be, but i wonder if something big is really the way to your heart.

i hear my friends tell me how they just chased their boyfriends/girlfriends for a month or so and yet their going strong six months on.
it shouldn't be, but i wonder if three years actually is too long to wait.

i hear my friends tell me that, i should move on.
it shouldn't be, but i contemplate it.

i hear my friends say that i shouldn't give up hope.
it shouldn't be, but i feel that you'd be happeier if i stopped this race.

i hear my friends tell me that your attitude towards me is absurb.
it shouldn't be, but i think that at times it is.

i hear my friends tell me that i'm just another one, in your ever-growing list of guys who like you.
it shouldn't be, and though i believe the relationship we have is something deeper than friends, i sometimes think that way.

i hear my friends talk about all these pretty girls that are in their classes, in their churches, in their circle of friends.
it shouldn't be, but i think, maybe i'm better off going for one of them.

i hear my friends telling me about being realistic, being logical, being an advocate for true love and that good things come for those who wait.
it shouldn't be, but i sway from each time to time.

i hear my friends talk about their seemingly fantasy relationships.
it shouldn't be, but i have doubts over whether my liking for you will end that way.

i hear myself saying i shouldn't let negativity prevail and be the eternal optimist i try so hard to personify.
it shouldn't be, but i feel neativity winning this battle.



i'll try one more time with my box.
no semi-espionage. no memory card. no question.
just my box.
now only with three things inside.
along with my note.
simple words.
laced with feelings i'd doubt you'd ever feel.
simple words.
i hope you'll feel them too.