THE 123rd POST

everybody moves on. i can't say that what i've done for the past 2 years was "work", cause then i would be some pervert who schemes to get the girl he likes. rather, i would say that i was carrying out what i believed all relationships needed? friendship before relationship. yeah, you could say that. but after 2 years of thinking of what to say, how to present myself, how to show care and concern, basically being a backstage man. pulling the strings and yet trying to conceal myself from the stage which is the world, i feel like a part of my life has left after things stopped. i guess maryse was right. i guess me liking joan was becoming more of a habitual thing rather than the real feelings i had when i first saw her. thats why i feel like, " eh? how come i suddenly have so little to do? " tsk, and yet, i feel sad at the same time. i think the problem was, right from the start, i was'nt in joan's league. i'm mr.normal and shes...well, in the eyes of the world superwoman. i guess superwoman only goes out with superman, not ordinary clark kent. at the same time, though i know i can improve on my looks and all to sort of "elevate" myself into the superman category, i don't want to. so un-natural. and in relationships, once the look factor passes, its more of the personality that counts. you know, thats the other problem. i always had this mis-conception that girls go for guys with great personalities. which is what i strived to develop. but no. reality check bryan! looks like being tan and having abs is the way to go. then again, i ask myself, is abs what it takes to win a girl's heart? girls around me always say they rather take a guy with a good personality than a guy with a chiseld physique. but i ask them, without the abs, would they bother to delve into finding out his personality? i guess then its all about perfection then. its either you have abs and charisma, then you get the girl. then again, no one's perfect except God. which brings us to the issue, how then do you get the girl?? well, after this lesson i've learnt, i realise what stacia told me was true. you can go all out to get the girl, but if the girl was'nt meant for you, it won't ever work out.
so yeah, i'm heeding her advice. lesson learnt. no more caring too much on how the girl i like sees me. just be myself and wait for God to send me the right one.



then again, human nature is'nt that simple. waiting and being yourself is'nt any easier too.