I LIKE THIS FEELING. THAT GOD IS CLOSE.

haha, after i came back from church camp, God became really real in my life. my prayers answered, God speaking to me through the Bible, me feeling that God was just next to me, knowing that i'll never be alone because he's my God, that nice feeling when you know someone is always here for you, worshipping him almost naturally. in 4 weeks, i had become closer to God than ever through my 8 years of being a christian. but i still did'nt go to church. and it was because of this that i had the oppurtunity to experience God's wonderful grace. it happened today, and i'm blogging about it cause i'm really happy. haha

after the camp, i have had this thinking. that i wanted Christianity to be my life. i wanted it to be so natural, like waking up and brushing your teeth. i wanted to "live" Christianity. meaning that i worshipped openly, not caring about whether it would embarrass me, i prayed out loud, regardless of the situation, i read the Bible and did QT like it was in me since birth, without any forcing or reminders. that was what i wanted to be. and i believed that whatever i did for God, i wanted it to be real sincere, from my heart. so i used that belief when doing things for God, like when praying i made sure i really wanted to pray and it came from my heart. when i told maryse that i did'nt believe in using things like, "its wrong not to believe in God. you'll go to hell" to spread the word but instead make sure that they made the decision from the heart and took a step of faith expecting God to change their lives, not focing them to convert but rather let them have a decision with God. and it worked! maryse said she would convert after "o"s! so everything seemed perfect with my new philosophy. except that it kept me from going to church.

you see, i don't feel like going to church. i know its wrong not to go. but if i go, it'll be forcing myself and then it would'nt be from my heart so i refused to do it. but trust God to come in at the most unexpected time to use Stacia to talk to me.

after talking to her, i realised that forcing myself to go church even no matter how much i did'nt want it would mean i was in a way obeying God's command to go church. so i would be honouring him. and since i was the one to make the decision to go, it came from the heart. a step of faith, stacia said. haha, and i felt that that was so real and true. so i'm goin for sevice on sat. haha

in the end, i still believe in making "Christianity" my life. i believe in having the heart when you do things. and now i know why going to church would be the right thing to do. it's not about the all the other aspects of church, it's about God. and thats what i needed to know, and God told me.

haha, i feel so blessed. God is really real to me at this moment. and i'm thankful for every moment of it.

thank you Lord.