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can't think up of a title, just wanna post.
today, we had a prayer session for gabriel, sigh, it's sad. but we must all learn to let go. so prelims have been pushed into our sep hols. realised today that i havent been taking my recent study time seriously, always crapping and joking when people are trying to be really studying. i'm sorry joan. and the others whom i disturbed.

perhaps the most sad thing that happened today was seeing dad. i was playing guitar and wasting time when he came into my room. then he was like so happy to see that at least i was doing something constructive and not playing com, and he started saying that he believed that i could make it for my prelims and that it he was proud of me. at that moment i felt so so crushed, cause i knew that i havent been making good use of my time. it's really sad, cause dad has so much hope in me, and here i am slacking. and he keeps asking me how i am and all, asking about me and God, then cooking good food for me, basically doing what he said he would do, which was that he would support me in other ways cause he could'nt teach me my studies. words can't express how ashamed i am. sigh, and yet i can't find the drive in me to push for real. the feeling sucks, especially when i know it's in me. i don't wanna let my mum and dad down. not this time.

for mum and dad.